Soccer City

Last night I went to Soccer City to watch Argentina play Mexico and ultimately send them packing! It was a fabulous experience. It was also freezing cold.

Four years...

Today marks the end of the fourth year since we started dating. We've had our ups and downs but we mostly had a wonderful four years. We've grown together but also in our own ways. We've travelled together overseas and locally and managed to be on holiday together without any problems. We've laughed, a lot, and cried, a little, and maintained a happy home for 3 and a half years now.

Thank you.

Thank you for tolerating my obssesive need to clean all the time. Thank you for letting me rant about work, my studies and life in general. Thank you for always supporting me in what I've wanted to do. Thank you for loving me everyday of the past four years. Thank you for teaching me about patience and soccer and prawn curry from Calisto's.

I love you.

Blog titles

I realised that my previous blog entry title wasn't linked to the actual post (it's the academic in me) so I'm writing this one to say that I am grateful for B and I love that he treats me special and shows his love and affection for me.

I also want to say that I need to be more grateful for what I have and stop wanting - wanting does not make you happy.

Off to Durban tomorrow for a two day meeting. Maybe the fresh sea air will do me some good.

Being grateful

So I arrived home from work yesterday just before 6pm and started to cook chicken curry (yummy!). I was running a bit late with getting the food done when B walked in and suggested we go out for dinner. Sometimes that boy surprises me.


He wasn’t in a terribly good mood but eased up during dinner – thank the Lord the food was good and the service of a high standard. We even had dessert.

I’m still at a lost as to whether this relationship needs to end of if it’s worth fighting for. Is questioning the relationship a sign that it may be time to end it?

This morning he hugged me for absolutely no reason. Waited behind me while I choose what to wear and when I done, hugged me. He is trying, it’s clear. I see it in lots of ways. I am however slightly cold towards him because in my head we’re not at a good place. I’m sure he thinks we are at a good place even though we’ve talked and left issues hanging.

My brother may be getting married soon. I am surprised, happy for him and also sad that it wasn’t me first. It will be very exciting to have a wedding in the family. I can’t wait. Lots of outfits to buy for all the days that go along with Indian weddings.

My turn will come… I’m going to stay positive.

I want to make a bigger effort to pray more, to talk to God and let Him know how I feel and hopefully ease the mess that is going on inside my head.

Off to see if I can find a Samsung Notebook/(Netbook?)  My current laptop is too big and heavy to carry around when I travel.

Mentally exhausted

Today I woke up at 7am and felt like even though I had slept all night my brain had not. I was physically fine but my brain was tired - too much thinking. Need an off switch for my head!

B and I have not been doing great. No, actually we have been doing rather great... but just on the surface. Deep down he knows that I want to get married and eventually have kids some day. Deep down I know that he is scared, financially unfit and maybe just a little to safe to take the risk of marriage. We've had the arguments, the fights, the 'I think we should break up' conversations. I'm now tired. I don't want to be the one to put all this pressure on him. It hurts me to think that I'm the cause of his stress. I do love him so but I think that we are stuck at a cross road because we want to take different turns. We're supposed to want to take the same road. We're supposed to want to walk together.

I'm confused as to what I should do. I want to give up...

Distractions

Mixed feelings of happiness and sadness. Sometimes it all just feels too much. Must find a distraction. Work? Sleep would be a blessing. Too many thoughts in my head. So work it is.

I have one week to go to hand in my final draft of my thesis to my supervisor. One week! I have plenty to do. No more wasting time. I've taken one to many extensions.

My current to do list at work is pages long. I feel uninspired. Praying that next week will be a good week.

New offices

So it's been about two weeks since we've moved into our new offices (did I mention that it is just 2 beautiful kilometers from where I live?) and I rather like it. I must admit I miss having Woolies right downstairs.

Here is a pic of me working very hard at my desk in my new office (old desk but new office!)

My thesis is taking shape and much progress is being made on a daily basis. I hope to submit soon and then proceed to be a 'normal' person - someone who relaxes in the evenings after work, spends weekends doing fun stuff and stresses about less things.

Gorgeously overcast and misty and chilly today!

Have a facial at 5pm... and it's free :)