Update

I'm really bad at this blog writing thing. I read a lot of blogs each morning because people update their blogs each day - unlike me. The great thing though is that this is MY blog so technically I can post something if and when I want.

So what has been happening?

I stopped searching for a new car. I wanted a Honda Jazz more than anything else but after B had an accident last week (yes, a month after mine, God is testing us both, yes at the same time!) I decided to accept my father's offer of using my mother's car until early next year when he will borrow me the money to buy a BRAND NEW HONDA JAZZ! Yay me. Need to cut back on buying shoes and start saving towards new car.

My mum's car arrives on Friday at the train station. I'll be mobile again. I won't have to wake up 6am to catch a 7am lift to work. I won't have to leave the office early everyday to catch a lift home. I won't need to ask B to take me shopping. Feeling very grateful right now. Relaxed too.

Work is as stressful as always. My boss and I came in on a Saturday to start organising the packing process which starts soon. We move offices on the 26 April. Can't wait. I'll be 2km from home. Yay me!

I've still not recovered fully from the flu but have in no way let it impact on my work or social life. I've not spent a single day in bed recovering.

I've taken an extension for my thesis. I cannot cope with all this accident, not having a car, B being in an accident drama - I will work during April on putting together a complete draft that my supervisor can comment on and then take it from there.

I'm trying to be positive. Each day I work at it and think of all the things I have and all the things I am grateful for. I'm still breathing, right?!

Hoping the long weekend ahead will see me working on my thesis and cathcing up on sleep and spending quality time with B.

Happy Easter!

Flu and the long weekend

I spent my long weekend either constantly drugged up or blowing my nose. The flu found me and four days later has still not let me go. Yet I came to work!

Despite feeling like I've been hit by a train, I managed to sit through Alice in Wonderland (in 3D) and Valentine's Day (yes I know it's a month later).

I enjoyed both movies and have another 5 on my current list of movies to see.

In other news - I applied for an extension for my thesis, I'm getting closer to finding a car and work is at a more manageble pace.

I spent four hours at work today without electricity which forced me to do the dreaded tasks like filing...

Remember Me

It's been a while since I cried while watching a movie. The messages that came through strong and clear in this movie, left me feeling... like I've wasted too much time, like I've not paid enough attention, like I've not said the right words when I had the chance.

Let me explain. - the movie is about Tyler who is 'undecided about everything.' His older brother committed suicide at the age of 22, his parents are divorced and his little sister is looked at as a 'freak of nature' by the girls in her school. Tyler is lost in the sense that he has no ambition, no goals and no passion for anything other than writing to his deceased brother. He often gets into trouble with the law and needs to be bailed out of jail. In one particular incident he is assaulted by a cop. He later falls in love with the cop’s daughter and things start to change, and not just for Tyler. Tyler’s sister and father form a better relationship with each, so does Tyler and his father. There is realization which leads to change, love, sense of family and forgiveness of oneself. Having faced the trauma of suicide, the family finally realizes that the pain and guilt they each suffered has driven them apart and are now trying to make things better.

And then 9/11 happens and Tyler is killed.

It was at this point that I realized my mouth was hanging open and there were tears streaming down my cheeks. I had a realization of my own – I am not in control. Death can come at anytime. We often waste time being angry at people we love, we don’t say ‘I love you’ enough, we don’t hug each other regularly, we don’t forgive easily.
There are definitely lessons to be learnt…

Cape Town

Spent a week with the family. Great company, fabulous food, beautiful memories.

Grumpy

Today I’m seriously pissed off.


I’m pissed off because some idiot without a license decided to drive drunk and hit my car.

I’m pissed off because since the accident I’ve had to ask for a lift to work, a lift home from work, a lift to the shops and a lift to the airport.

I’m pissed off that I have to go into debt now to buy another car.

I’m pissed off because my boyfriend thinks I’m overly sensitive and I read too deeply into things.

I’m pissed off because I’ve been neglecting my thesis.

I’m pissed off because I seem to have lost all motivation.

Done complaining. The next post will be more upbeat… I hope.

Recovering

On a physical level myself and my two passengers are doing much better. The pain has begun to subside. Our routine is thrown off a bit by me no having a car but other than that we are fine.


I spent lots of time thinking about how much worse the accident could have been. I’ve dealt with the feelings that were present and now besides feeling like an inconvenience, I’m doing ok. Auto and General, my insurance company is on top of things and I have faith that they will have my car sorted out in a few short weeks.

I have been busy at work though not motivated. I have completely neglected my thesis. I know I have to get things done but there is absolutely no motivation.

B and I are ok. I think he thinks that everything is just wonderful between us. It’s a bit different for me. I don’t think I’ve acted any different from before, but after out talk in Durban I am trying to be an easier person to be around – I try not to get irritated, I keep a good home, I cuddle, hug and talk to him, I listen when he talks…

I still like the relationship is on the verge of ending and it feels like I need to be ready because that end might just sneak up on me at any moment. I don’t like feeling like this. I want everything to be ok. I want him to make a commitment to me. I want to know that he is serious about forever. I also want to know if he isn’t serious about forever. I feel stagnant.

Went to see “It’s Complicated” last night. Been months since I last went out on a school night  The movie was funny at times and too realistic at times. Hoping to see “Valentine’s Day” and “Up in the Air” this weekend.

Accidents

Unfortunately I've had one.
On Friday night a drunk, unlicensed driver hit my car from behind (and also hit the car next to me). My passengers and I are ok. No serious injuries.
Am annoyed, frustrated and angry. Mostly I feel inconvenienced.

Will post photos when I get them.