Blog titles

I realised that my previous blog entry title wasn't linked to the actual post (it's the academic in me) so I'm writing this one to say that I am grateful for B and I love that he treats me special and shows his love and affection for me.

I also want to say that I need to be more grateful for what I have and stop wanting - wanting does not make you happy.

Off to Durban tomorrow for a two day meeting. Maybe the fresh sea air will do me some good.

Being grateful

So I arrived home from work yesterday just before 6pm and started to cook chicken curry (yummy!). I was running a bit late with getting the food done when B walked in and suggested we go out for dinner. Sometimes that boy surprises me.


He wasn’t in a terribly good mood but eased up during dinner – thank the Lord the food was good and the service of a high standard. We even had dessert.

I’m still at a lost as to whether this relationship needs to end of if it’s worth fighting for. Is questioning the relationship a sign that it may be time to end it?

This morning he hugged me for absolutely no reason. Waited behind me while I choose what to wear and when I done, hugged me. He is trying, it’s clear. I see it in lots of ways. I am however slightly cold towards him because in my head we’re not at a good place. I’m sure he thinks we are at a good place even though we’ve talked and left issues hanging.

My brother may be getting married soon. I am surprised, happy for him and also sad that it wasn’t me first. It will be very exciting to have a wedding in the family. I can’t wait. Lots of outfits to buy for all the days that go along with Indian weddings.

My turn will come… I’m going to stay positive.

I want to make a bigger effort to pray more, to talk to God and let Him know how I feel and hopefully ease the mess that is going on inside my head.

Off to see if I can find a Samsung Notebook/(Netbook?)  My current laptop is too big and heavy to carry around when I travel.

Mentally exhausted

Today I woke up at 7am and felt like even though I had slept all night my brain had not. I was physically fine but my brain was tired - too much thinking. Need an off switch for my head!

B and I have not been doing great. No, actually we have been doing rather great... but just on the surface. Deep down he knows that I want to get married and eventually have kids some day. Deep down I know that he is scared, financially unfit and maybe just a little to safe to take the risk of marriage. We've had the arguments, the fights, the 'I think we should break up' conversations. I'm now tired. I don't want to be the one to put all this pressure on him. It hurts me to think that I'm the cause of his stress. I do love him so but I think that we are stuck at a cross road because we want to take different turns. We're supposed to want to take the same road. We're supposed to want to walk together.

I'm confused as to what I should do. I want to give up...

Distractions

Mixed feelings of happiness and sadness. Sometimes it all just feels too much. Must find a distraction. Work? Sleep would be a blessing. Too many thoughts in my head. So work it is.

I have one week to go to hand in my final draft of my thesis to my supervisor. One week! I have plenty to do. No more wasting time. I've taken one to many extensions.

My current to do list at work is pages long. I feel uninspired. Praying that next week will be a good week.

New offices

So it's been about two weeks since we've moved into our new offices (did I mention that it is just 2 beautiful kilometers from where I live?) and I rather like it. I must admit I miss having Woolies right downstairs.

Here is a pic of me working very hard at my desk in my new office (old desk but new office!)

My thesis is taking shape and much progress is being made on a daily basis. I hope to submit soon and then proceed to be a 'normal' person - someone who relaxes in the evenings after work, spends weekends doing fun stuff and stresses about less things.

Gorgeously overcast and misty and chilly today!

Have a facial at 5pm... and it's free :)

:(

That's how I feel...

It takes only a few words to make one realise that the way you see people is not necessarily the way people see you.

Today, I learnt that without effort from both parties, the relationship won't work.
Today, I learnt that by extending your hand to others does not mean they will extend their hand to you.
Today, I learnt that it more often than not it only takes a small thing to help you make a big decision.

On another note, a more pleasent one, I have decided to go ahead and have my couches re-upholstered in orange suede! I think it will look stunning with the cherry wood floors. Am very excited. Will post pics when all is ready.

And on another note, a much more pleasent one, I love my boyfriend :)

Yes, so in the end I've turned my frown upside down - OMG that is the most ridiculous thing I have said since starting this blog!